【 Thank you for choosing the Golden Peacock, 5-star resort and casino. You are currently registered as a WILDCARD in our system. We have arranged for a selection of basement suites to temporarily house new arrivals until reservations have been processed. We hope you'll join us in giving our new guests a warm and loving welcome.
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*Please note that this is an arbitrarily chosen date for the Golden Peacock's birthday, which is unknown. 】
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[ crap, how does one even begin to explain all this ]
What I mean is... all these portraits? They're infinite possibilities. Across numerous lives, I could've been a Butler. In another life, I could've been working for Zwei Association. And so on and so forth. I just... never had an inkling on what these possibilities look like till now.
[ look sometimes she thinks most people aren't as smart as she is, okay ]
Mhm. I don't know how much I can tell you about this without breaching my contract with my current company back home, but that's basically it.
And that one... [ she glances at the portrait of herself as a smug, cruel captain ] is the possibility I've always feared of becoming. I was so close, too.
[ She's not sure what to say about it or comment about the entire thing that has to do with not violating company contract. That's a whole ball of wax she can't get into. Not yet. ]
...how do you mean? If you don't mind talking about it. Seems a little unlike you.
...she sounds like a piece of work, if she's someone you wouldn't want to emulate.
[ Red frowns. She doesn't know much about Ish's backgrounds beyond generalities, she realizes. So its hard for her to really grasp what it is that this captain did. ]
[ there is a good reason for that. too bad it's not something she wants to divulge so easily. ]
...She's an awful boss. Just putting it like that is such an understatement, though. But the last thing I want is to dredge up memories of the incident.
[ her gaze trails away from red, melancholic. ]
None of it matters now. I was able to make peace with it anyway.
[ Not wanting to bring up bad memories, that is. But a part of her feels like she ought to find out more. Ish keeps gesturing at this past of hers and Red still doesn't understand much of it. ]
It does matter, doesn't it? You're still carrying it with you.
[ Red doesn't want to push her too hard. But that's the thought that occurs to her. ]
[ ishmael blinks, recalling the one thing she'd told ahab back then. that the path she'd taken was rife with mistakes and bloodshed, yet she will forever carry it with her. that is how she will carve out her own path.
thus, she takes a deep breath. ]
You're right. It does. [ ... ] Remember what I told you before? About the person I kept hearing in the basements a couple of months ago.
I used to be a sailor of this Whaling ship, run by a captain who was on the hunt for a Whale that's said to contain all the evils of the world. Said that it was our destiny to kill it so that we can grant the world salvation and all that bullcrap. She never cared about any of us so long as we can achieve her deluded goals in that horrible Lake.
I didn't want to hunt for some stupid Whale. I just wanted to figure out what I truly want in life. And back then, I wanted to spend the rest of my days with my dearest friend on the ship, Queequeg. If I only had that, I'd be happy.
But no. Nothing ever went my way. Long story short, we found the Whale, but the Whale sunk our ship. I... I was the only one who survived. It's all that bastard's fault why everyone died, and my fault for not doing enough to save them.
[ Red listens quietly. It's a strange story. She's not quite sure what to make of it. It's also familiar somehow - but there are lots of stories like it out there. Stories of tragedy and things left unfulfilled. She's silent for a few heartbeats, thinking on it. ]
...I know how you feel. I think.
[ She puts the weight of her platoon on her back. She doesn't want to let anyone die. Not if she can help it. Every time someone does it feels like a personal failure. Although Ishmael's experience sounds worse, somehow. ]
I won't tell you not to blame yourself because... shit. I do that enough to myself about other stuff. But... be kind to yourself, Ish. You deserve that much.
[ she thinks. that means red doesn't quite get it, and ishmael finds that initial answer of hers a little unsatisfactory. but the fact that red is making the attempt at understanding where ishmael is coming from is enough, she supposes.
she shakes her head, a wry smile playing at her lips. ]
Yeah. I'll try to keep that in mind. It just isn't easy since this place sure likes to bring up possibilities of what I could've been. Of what I should be.
[ she sighs through her nose. ]
But this is the path I carved out, I suppose. This path... that lead me to you.
[ That earns a smile. A little grin. And then she squeezes her hand tight and leads her down the next hallway. She doesn't know what to expect, honestly. Something mind-blowing? Or just something banal? ]
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peacockstop2025-07-15 09:00 pm
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[ Red squints. ]
Maybe it's just one of those times this place is fucking with our heads - your head, anyway. It likes to do that.
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[ crap, how does one even begin to explain all this ]
What I mean is... all these portraits? They're infinite possibilities. Across numerous lives, I could've been a Butler. In another life, I could've been working for Zwei Association. And so on and so forth. I just... never had an inkling on what these possibilities look like till now.
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[ She wrinkles her nose, trying to grapple with that. ]
So they're all you, but they're not you? Is that it?
[ Well, that's.. simple. Ish. ]
Just people you could have been?
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Mhm. I don't know how much I can tell you about this without breaching my contract with my current company back home, but that's basically it.
And that one... [ she glances at the portrait of herself as a smug, cruel captain ] is the possibility I've always feared of becoming. I was so close, too.
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[ She's not sure what to say about it or comment about the entire thing that has to do with not violating company contract. That's a whole ball of wax she can't get into. Not yet. ]
...how do you mean? If you don't mind talking about it. Seems a little unlike you.
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[ a deep sigh, as she turns her attention back to the painting again. ]
I don't know the context, but the uniform this Identity his wearing is just like the one my former Captain was wearing.
[ her voice then turns solemn, with a bit of contempt. ]
She ruined my whole life, yet she taunted that I'm going to end up just like her. Heinous bitch.
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[ Red frowns. She doesn't know much about Ish's backgrounds beyond generalities, she realizes. So its hard for her to really grasp what it is that this captain did. ]
What'd she do to you?
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...She's an awful boss. Just putting it like that is such an understatement, though. But the last thing I want is to dredge up memories of the incident.
[ her gaze trails away from red, melancholic. ]
None of it matters now. I was able to make peace with it anyway.
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[ Not wanting to bring up bad memories, that is. But a part of her feels like she ought to find out more. Ish keeps gesturing at this past of hers and Red still doesn't understand much of it. ]
It does matter, doesn't it? You're still carrying it with you.
[ Red doesn't want to push her too hard. But that's the thought that occurs to her. ]
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thus, she takes a deep breath. ]
You're right. It does. [ ... ] Remember what I told you before? About the person I kept hearing in the basements a couple of months ago.
[ right before red had vanished for some weeks. ]
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[ She folds her arms, looking thoughtful. ]
That them? This whole thing?
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[ deep breaths. okay. ]
I used to be a sailor of this Whaling ship, run by a captain who was on the hunt for a Whale that's said to contain all the evils of the world. Said that it was our destiny to kill it so that we can grant the world salvation and all that bullcrap. She never cared about any of us so long as we can achieve her deluded goals in that horrible Lake.
I didn't want to hunt for some stupid Whale. I just wanted to figure out what I truly want in life. And back then, I wanted to spend the rest of my days with my dearest friend on the ship, Queequeg. If I only had that, I'd be happy.
But no. Nothing ever went my way. Long story short, we found the Whale, but the Whale sunk our ship. I... I was the only one who survived. It's all that bastard's fault why everyone died, and my fault for not doing enough to save them.
no subject
...I know how you feel. I think.
[ She puts the weight of her platoon on her back. She doesn't want to let anyone die. Not if she can help it. Every time someone does it feels like a personal failure. Although Ishmael's experience sounds worse, somehow. ]
I won't tell you not to blame yourself because... shit. I do that enough to myself about other stuff. But... be kind to yourself, Ish. You deserve that much.
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she shakes her head, a wry smile playing at her lips. ]
Yeah. I'll try to keep that in mind. It just isn't easy since this place sure likes to bring up possibilities of what I could've been. Of what I should be.
[ she sighs through her nose. ]
But this is the path I carved out, I suppose. This path... that lead me to you.
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[ Red laughs, low and a little sheepish. ]
I mean - I'm glad we met. Even if the way we got here was a little fucked up, you know?
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[ a shrug as she laughs along with red. ]
Are there any of your portraits on display? I wanna make it even.
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[ She shrugs. ]
Wanna take a look?
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[ And probably Luce. And Cellinia. ]
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All right. Lead the way.
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It might just be baby pictures, you know.
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[ a baby red...... cute. better embarrassing baby photos than dark, sordid pasts. ]
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[ She's not backing away from that as her reason. ]
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