[ Not being a monster even at his lowest, he wraps an arm around him and pats Jin Guangyao on the back as he hides in Xichen's shoulder. ]
I haven't cared in a long time, a-Yao. You can't fix this. I don't ... have the right pieces left.
[ He is not like Nie Mingjue, resilient to the point of becoming a malevolent ghost from pure rage or Jin Guangyao, spiteful enough to be vicious beyond measure. Xichen has only ever wanted to be kind and helpful, and as it turns out he was foolish and murderous by proxy because he knew nothing. He was left alone in the Hanshi, in shades of blue and grey, safe to feel all of it in private to the occasional call of a crane amidst mountainous winds.
He rubs Jin Guangyao on the back again, squeezing him for a moment before he leans back to settle a solemn look on that upset face. ]
It's as if a blade cut me in half; my body doesn't care to feel much of anything anymore. It just lives. That's good enough for me to be useful in this realm, and if something happens to me against my wishes I promise I won't care. Don't be so sad, my sweet a-Yao. Perhaps I'll pass the time by learning the ways of a brothel in detail, would that be preferable?
Should I become a carnal thing, to avoid thinking? Does it work?
no subject
I haven't cared in a long time, a-Yao. You can't fix this. I don't ... have the right pieces left.
[ He is not like Nie Mingjue, resilient to the point of becoming a malevolent ghost from pure rage or Jin Guangyao, spiteful enough to be vicious beyond measure. Xichen has only ever wanted to be kind and helpful, and as it turns out he was foolish and murderous by proxy because he knew nothing. He was left alone in the Hanshi, in shades of blue and grey, safe to feel all of it in private to the occasional call of a crane amidst mountainous winds.
He rubs Jin Guangyao on the back again, squeezing him for a moment before he leans back to settle a solemn look on that upset face. ]
It's as if a blade cut me in half; my body doesn't care to feel much of anything anymore. It just lives. That's good enough for me to be useful in this realm, and if something happens to me against my wishes I promise I won't care. Don't be so sad, my sweet a-Yao. Perhaps I'll pass the time by learning the ways of a brothel in detail, would that be preferable?
Should I become a carnal thing, to avoid thinking? Does it work?