[He'd been responding to Touya's words, not suggesting that Touya was set apart, that he wanted or deserved this in any way. Yet Enji's response is mild. He's willing to accept that he chose his words poorly. He has an uncanny way of saying the wrong thing, even when he is thinking clearly. With Touya standing before him, he has little hope of keeping his thoughts in order, much less his words.
Even if Touya wants to return home to plan Enji's own death, Enji wants him to be returned to the place where he belongs. Touya shouldn't have to be put through this, in addition to everything else he's suffered.
He doesn't believe he'll fix things with any of his children—with the possible exception of Fuyumi, who has been more forgiving than he deserves. He doesn't act with the expectation that his actions now can improve his relationships going forward. He wants to try to do what's right, even though that can't undo the wrongs of the past. When Touya had revealed himself, something had broken inside of Enji, but maybe it was something that needed to break. When he gazes up at his son, he feels humbled. He doesn't think he could be angry with Touya again.
As Touya sits, Enji's gaze follows him. He doesn't stir from his chair, listening intently. He shares Touya's sense of the unreality of this conversation. Touya despises him, but Enji is still marveling at the fact that he's sitting here, watching his son move again, listening to him speak.
Touya's very existence may be a matter of amazement, but that doesn't mean that Enji approves the things he says and does. Enji presses his lips together in displeasure as Touya mentions the ostensible purpose of their presence here. Now that, he doesn't care for.]
I've been informed, yes.
[He decides to keep his response as simple and flat as possible. He hadn't been planning to bring up the subject with anyone, unless it became necessary. Especially when speaking with Touya—that's inappropriate. But he's not surprised that Touya chooses to bring it up to him.]
I'll do what's necessary to survive.
[While he'd give up his life without hesitation to save someone, there's no point in throwing it away for something less important than that. It's not that he likes the idea. He'd long ago divorced himself from the possibility of having sex, reducing his own desires to a background triviality. Repress, compartmentalize, minimize—he's done all those things for a long time, even before he was married. He had assumed that the sexual part of his life was over, but if he's forced into it, he'll do what he has to. As long as he survives, he'll remain able to help others. All he can do is endure the ordeal to the best of his ability.]
no subject
[He'd been responding to Touya's words, not suggesting that Touya was set apart, that he wanted or deserved this in any way. Yet Enji's response is mild. He's willing to accept that he chose his words poorly. He has an uncanny way of saying the wrong thing, even when he is thinking clearly. With Touya standing before him, he has little hope of keeping his thoughts in order, much less his words.
Even if Touya wants to return home to plan Enji's own death, Enji wants him to be returned to the place where he belongs. Touya shouldn't have to be put through this, in addition to everything else he's suffered.
He doesn't believe he'll fix things with any of his children—with the possible exception of Fuyumi, who has been more forgiving than he deserves. He doesn't act with the expectation that his actions now can improve his relationships going forward. He wants to try to do what's right, even though that can't undo the wrongs of the past. When Touya had revealed himself, something had broken inside of Enji, but maybe it was something that needed to break. When he gazes up at his son, he feels humbled. He doesn't think he could be angry with Touya again.
As Touya sits, Enji's gaze follows him. He doesn't stir from his chair, listening intently. He shares Touya's sense of the unreality of this conversation. Touya despises him, but Enji is still marveling at the fact that he's sitting here, watching his son move again, listening to him speak.
Touya's very existence may be a matter of amazement, but that doesn't mean that Enji approves the things he says and does. Enji presses his lips together in displeasure as Touya mentions the ostensible purpose of their presence here. Now that, he doesn't care for.]
I've been informed, yes.
[He decides to keep his response as simple and flat as possible. He hadn't been planning to bring up the subject with anyone, unless it became necessary. Especially when speaking with Touya—that's inappropriate. But he's not surprised that Touya chooses to bring it up to him.]
I'll do what's necessary to survive.
[While he'd give up his life without hesitation to save someone, there's no point in throwing it away for something less important than that. It's not that he likes the idea. He'd long ago divorced himself from the possibility of having sex, reducing his own desires to a background triviality. Repress, compartmentalize, minimize—he's done all those things for a long time, even before he was married. He had assumed that the sexual part of his life was over, but if he's forced into it, he'll do what he has to. As long as he survives, he'll remain able to help others. All he can do is endure the ordeal to the best of his ability.]