[ he shouldn't have said anything. there isn't a way to describe what he has — had? — with ash. ash isn't a bad person for being content with their situation for as long as he had, but instead it speaks volumes of his character that he hadn't spurned embry each and every time he'd run from him, or hurt him, or told him no. ]
doesn't sound that much different than where i'm from. it's a little better now, for some people. not for everyone, though. there was no way for ash and i to be together. not publicly, in the way he wanted. everything we did was behind closed doors. we lived like that, give or take a few fuck-ups where i didn't speak to him for a while, for almost fifteen years. i wanted so bad for that to be enough for him, but he wanted more. and he deserved more. i handed him off to someone else because she's better for him. she can do everything i do without the melodrama. without all the hiding. she's perfect, and i love her, too. sometimes i want to be her, and sometimes i want to be ash. the only consistent thing is i never want to be me. it's complicated, caterpillar.
isn't there someone you'd hurt yourself to protect?
🔒
doesn't sound that much different than where i'm from.
it's a little better now, for some people. not for everyone, though.
there was no way for ash and i to be together. not publicly, in the way he wanted.
everything we did was behind closed doors. we lived like that, give or take a few fuck-ups where i didn't speak to him for a while, for almost fifteen years. i wanted so bad for that to be enough for him, but he wanted more. and he deserved more.
i handed him off to someone else because she's better for him. she can do everything i do without the melodrama. without all the hiding. she's perfect, and i love her, too. sometimes i want to be her, and sometimes i want to be ash. the only consistent thing is i never want to be me.
it's complicated, caterpillar.
isn't there someone you'd hurt yourself to protect?